Thursday, January 06, 2005

OZZING OPEN SORES.......

The third day of battle

Hmmmmmmm not much sleep again..............and I had to be awake at 8am. No good. maybe I should cash in those sleeping pills......maybe not....

Anway The Dollhaus entrance and offcie is coming along. It smells nice anwyay. I did not really thow stuff out last night as some of the artist's were dropping off.Amazingly enough 'that late' 3am in the morning artist came by. he does not look well....he has open sores all over his wrists and hands. I could not really look directly into his face. he submitted a nice piece. Very him. he said he was going to dress like his piece for saturday's opening......I believe him. he drank a lot of Georgi lemon flavoured vodka.he always does....I do not mind.....Georgi sucks! I hope he does not have aids. Maybe it's the drugs, but, hell open sores.....that's a fucked up body healing ammune fucked system thing. I still have have glass on the bar.......not sure what to do........sounds weird but, I iwll bleach it or throw it away. I remember this crazy french woman doing it in London after all her gay friends would come over......she said you can never be too sure.......I though that was a little ignorant and fucked up.......but, man he looked rough last night. Anway some wonderful submissions especially from a delightful pair who I enjoy.

I really want to go to Scope in New York City this year in March.....but, it's $5050 for a room in the hotel to show the art work for four days........with my one woman shwo coming up and The Terrible Toy Fair III i should proabably wait until it is in Miami.......or even next year in NYC.....I mean what am I going to do fly all the women down there???? Hmmmmmmmmmm....
maybe buy then I iwll have a more solid idea. Anway a good portion of the dough has to be in by like the weekend and who is my main 80% artist.................god why does noone wanna fucking gamble......wow if i did use all the money I have no rent would be paid for The Dollhaus.............hmmmmmmm

So I have to throw more stuff out tonight......I have to.....I can't see much of a difference.....although I have not started downstairs.......may have to save that for tomorrow night. I have blocked the window do people can't stare in but, it bothers me already.......too dark........I will have to sort this out tonight....I think I iwll have to throw out major stuff tonight or I just will not feel good!

Still no thoughts on May's show......
Hopefully I will get that space i want for terribel Toy fair III............jesus too much!

Wish I was in La with scraby bitch seeing the Gunther Van Hagan show again and running around.....she is going out of her mind with her family in the middle of the desert......serves her right.she should not of extended her trip and totured herself more....I am sure she will need to up her % in drugs after this one.

Ahhhhhhh yes what to study..........must shop around......again I have thoughts of forensic science........could be possible....need to think of what I would desire to know.........then what I would like to spend all that money on.........

had brazen ribs last night.........at first very yummy then it repulsed me......gnawing off this horrible bobe with all this stringy meat and fat.........gross.......$12.....

Monday, January 03, 2005

Abandoning the dolls....

The first day of battle

O.k no sleep last night.............maybe an hour here and there...useless!
Dollhaus phones goes off at 3.30am...........ahhh yes of course 'that artist' a creature of the night with one foot in the grave but, amazingly manages to pull through when I ask.....he could do better off the drugs...he will drop off Wednesday evening....that means hopefully friday night actually Saturday morning or even at the opening........as long as I get it from this one I can accept this behaviour from him......only him though.
Cleaning and chucking out my collectrions of stuff......dolls..dolls....dolls...last night I threw out an antique pram stuffed with dolls, it was difficult but, I have to do it...have to get clearer in the space......it was tough and I sat by the door listening to all the comments and fun to be had with my cast offs in the street from all of next door drunks "Oh! you should see the space it's full of shit like this", "I can't believe she is throwing this out", "This is a very special pram", "She gets stuff delivered all the time", "People just leave her bags off great stuff"....

should I be in the junk business? Am I infact in the junk business more to the point!

Thoughts behind dumping everything:

.....I have given up installation. Way too much stuff and too much of a burden.I can't explain it but, it is botheriung me and getting in the way of my thoughts. I want to dedicate this year to drawing and painting.......no stuff....although if I get rid of everything what the fuck will be left? Me and huge canvas and my little 6b and nothing.....maybe that is what I am doing? Forcing myself to think. I have nothing right now in my mind..........nothing......a big void of doll heads floating around screaming "Don't you fucking do this to us bitch doll killer , we are you! You are us! Without us you are nothing"! "You will not survive, you will loose all your court"!

I bat them away viciously but, the little bitches zip back into my face hovering over my already heavy head....like desperate little blood sucking insects...an arm here a leg there buzz buzz! The Dolly Parton doll face giggling over me "You will fucking regret this shit! Joleen Joleen Joleen Jooooooooooooleen Ima begging to ya please don't take my man" fuck off......no more room.......get out of here evil dolls and nonsense!

"You will have to start over again"

But, that is the point......start over less chaos. Focas down on one canvas one piece of paper no matter how big it is.Get rid of the mess and headache......get rid of the freak? Shit Mo? No? No?

no get rid of the useless interferring garbage, rubbish ........

neglectful cat owner:
Spider cannot handle the fact that I gave her Sheba last week.one dame container....she is crazy and won't leave me alone up all night mewing, pulling stuff down.....naughty naughty..meowing begging for sheba....I can NEVER give it to her again. NO FUCKING WAY! maybe I should change her litter....I normally only do it at openings...uh oh!

Sunday, January 02, 2005

First entry

Draw everything!

I am glad to see 2004 fuck off!

The best things about 2005 so far.....
My 'Book of Joe' an intense look at the works of painter Joe Coleman.
My one woman show confirmed May 2005 in the city.
Clear thinking.
Sleep returns.
Finally seeing reality with a new pair of eyes.
Time ticking away for the 'Lovers' painting expected by March...it will be very fucked up.
The Dollhaus opens in five days.

The worst things about 2005 so far.....
all of the above unfortunately.....